I arranged to interview a couple of people I knew, not exactly friends, but two guys that a lot has been written about. Written about by Hap himself. But I know about them from around town here in LaBorde, and they’re the real deal and Hap lets me publish their adventures, which is no small thing. I went to see them at a friend’s double wide parked in a trailer park under an oak. They were sitting in the shade in lawn chairs, and when I came up, they offered me one.

Okay, you two, why haven’t we heard from you guys in a while?

Leonard: Has it been that long?

Me: Oh, yeah.

Leonard: Guess time flies when you’re having a big time.

Me: So things have been going smooth until your latest adventure, the one Hap wrote about in Vanilla Ride.

Hap: No. Our life is busy. Just because I haven’t told about our adventures doesn’t mean we haven’t been having them all along. The last eight years have been jam packed.

Me: Someone your age, that’s got to be rough.

Hap: Unlike you, we don’t age as quickly.

Leonard: Yeah. We’re special.

Me: So there are a number of adventures, and only this one has been recorded?

Hap: Wrote about them all, but I’ve let this one out. I’ve had other things on my mind the last few years.

Leonard: Yeah, there’ve been some changes in our lives. John and I broke up, for now. I’m still hopeful, and Hap, he and Britt, they’re way tight. Also Marvin Hanson seems to be healing up from his injuries quite a bit, a lot more than you hear about in Vanilla Ride.

Me: Tell me about Vanilla Ride. Who is Vanilla Ride?

Leonard: A scary but unusual assassin. I think Vanilla has a thing for Hap, actually.

Hap: Who doesn’t?

Leonard: He likes to kid himself. But what he wrote about in that book, I got to say, it’s all true, though I believe I was probably a lot more heroic than he presented.

Hap: No you weren’t. Remember that really big guy that got after us, and how we ran.

Leonard: You were ahead of me.

Hap: I can run faster.

Leonard: No you can’t.

Hap: Maybe not, but I was less tired.

Leonard: You were more scared.

Hap: I might have been. He was big.

Leonard: And damn near invincible. He was like…I don’t know, some kind of damn space alien.

Hap: He was tough.

Me: So there are other adventures?

Hap: Hell yeah. One is coming out right behind this one, thanks to you, through your publisher, Knopf. The new one is out the end of June. We’ll be expecting royalties.

Me: Don’t hold your breath.

Leonard: We don’t see royalties, we might hold your breath for you.

Me: I’ll make sure my agent double checks.

Hap: There you go.

Me: Tell me about this adventure, Vanilla Ride.

Hap: Simple. We try to help a friend and end up getting hit, attacked by a dog, shot at and nearly run over. And then things really get busy.

Leonard: Yeah, a lot of people don’t like us.

Me: I find that hard to believe, sweet as you are.

Leonard: That a crack?

Me: No. My god, when I think sweet, why I see your faces in my head.

Hap: I don’t know why we talk to him.

Leonard: Yeah. I don’t like him much.

Me: So, Vanilla Ride?

Hap: We give away too much, what’s the point in reading the book. Here’s the thing. We’re back. I have plans, if you’re nice, to give you a stack of our adventures, stuff been going on for the last eight years.

Me: I’m glad to be nice. I like you guys…Really.

Leonard: You know, last time you talked to us, you asked why we didn’t, well, settle down, find what we wanted to do. Just recently, we realized we’re doing what we want to do, we’re living the life we want. We got a little money now, and we’ve even got a sometime job with Hanson.

Me: Really?

Leonard: Yeah. He’s opened his own Private Investigations business.

Me: You guys aren’t exactly detectives.

Hap: No. But we’re good bumblers. We just keep bumbling till something happens.

Besides, we don’t work for him all the time, and we only take the jobs we want–

Leonard: Or need.

Hap: Okay…Need, and most private detective work has got zero to do with clues and mysteries. I mean, it’s finding things out, but not from little clues like in an Agatha Christie novel.

Leonard: I read Christie.

Hap: I know you do. You read all those old mystery novels. Has it ever helped us on one of our escapades?

Leonard: Can’t say that it has. But I’ve sure enjoyed reading them.

Me: Well, you guys can be pills, but I enjoy reading about your adventures.

Hap: You enjoy publishing them and collecting the money.

Me: Publish them yourself.

Hap: I could you know.

Me: Yep…But…

Hap: I’m too lazy to translate them from my notebooks and bother with agents and editors and proofing.

Me: There you have it.

Leonard: Hey, man. We got to go. Nice talkin’ to you, but we got plans.

Me: Like what?

Hap: You’ll read about it.

Me: Hey, before you leave. What’s the next book called, one after this one, Vanilla Ride.

Hap: Title could change, but right now it’s Devil Red. It’s got some…revelations in it. It was a tough adventure, just like Vanilla Ride.

Me: Got to tell you, Vanilla Ride, I thought it one of your better adventures.

Leonard: Us too. Now blow, we’re headin’ out.

And so, I left. But not before Hap went to his car and gave me a stack of yellow paper with a story written in ink on both sides of the page, and at the top of the story was Devil Red. I’ve read a bit of it, and wow…They have been busy. And, for all of you who want to know about their earlier adventures, Vintage Books has released all their old adventures, Savage Season, Mucho Mojo, The Two Bear Mambo, Bad Chili, Rumble Tumble, Captains Outrageous, and from Knopf, the new one, Vanilla Ride, and from Knopf next year, the new one, possibly titled Devil Red. I also have in my possession a story titled Blue to the Bone. Not related to the other two. Some of the hand writing is hard to decipher, so I’ve put it on hold until I can catch Hap in a good mood and have him go over some of the writing with me.

So, I suggest you watch for Vanilla Ride, end of June. Their new adventure. And boy, is it a thriller.